Finding “The One” in a Sea of Many

Let me start this off by saying I don’t believe in the idea of soulmates. I don’t believe in “the one”. I believe that soulmates exist, but I just don’t believe in the idea that there is only one person out in the world for you, and this person that everyone is looking for is their soulmate. From a young age, the idea of finding the one person that we’re ultimately supposed to end up with is constantly embedded into our minds. From traditional social structures like marriage to popular media like romance movies and love songs on the radio, the idea that your soulmate is out there waiting for you is one that most of us know quite well. 

However, the idea that there is only one person meant for you out of over seven billion in the world is just ridiculous. The idea that this one person is supposed to be your soulmate on top of that is even more ridiculous. Of course there are people who do find the one person they want to be with forever and people do find soulmates in life, but I think perpetuating the idea that you’re supposed to find and be with your one soulmate is antiquated and unhealthy. 

Have you heard of the Keirsey Temperament Theory? The theory suggests that there are four fundamental personality types based on four of the ancient Greek humours: sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. In modern language these personality types can essentially be translated into four different types of partners when it comes to romantic relationships: mindmate, helpmate, playmate and last of all, soulmate. Each person subconsciously (or consciously if you know about them already) ranks these four personality types into a chronological list of the type they prefer to be with most to the least. 

A mindmate is someone who values intellectual stimulation within a relationship, a partner who loves to talk ideas and respects your intelligence. Helpmates are the ones who are the most supportive in all your endeavours, whatever you take on a helpmate will be there for you first and foremost. Playmates offer excitement, spontaneity and are always looking for their next adventure. Finally, a soulmate is someone who views romance as a way of life, seeking deep connections in everything they do. 

Now i’m sure you must be reading this thinking “Well, I want all of those qualities in a partner! That person would be my true soulmate.” And of course while we all want someone with all of those great qualities, don’t forget that we tend to subconsciously prioritize the qualities that we want the most. Similar to the 5 Love Languages (by author Gary Chapman), finding someone who expresses themselves in all 5 love languages equally would be great but most people only have one or two love languages that they prioritize as the most important to them that they tend to focus on. 

If you are someone who has been fixated on the idea of finding “the one”, I would urge you to consider that there is probably more than one person out there for you. It is entirely possible to have a great love affair in the first half of your life, live through tragedy such as death or divorce and then have another great love affair in your lifetime. Maybe you have trouble finding your soulmate because a helpmate is the type of person you truly want to be with. Or maybe your soulmate is already in your life but is not someone you view as a romantic partner. As a society we need to stop perpetuating and reinforcing the idea that the only person we belong with is our one true soulmate. There is more than “the one” to be found in a sea of many.